I recently took my son for a check up. The doctor asked what he eats and I gave an honest answer. My son prefers cookies, cake, doughnuts, candy and juice to other foods. He isn't offered these too often, but tends to eat minimally when offered the healthier choices such as vegetables, fruit, whole grain bread, brown rice, salmon, hummus, refried beans, cheese, and tofu. Our family is vegetarian and I am bordering on vegan, so he isn't offered meats at home although he is never discouraged from eating them when offered at friends' of a restaurant. So far he has chosen not to eat them.

So, after hearing my list of foods recently eaten by my son, my doctor felt that he may be low in iron. She offered to check his iron, I said "sure". I felt my honor and career were on the line. After all, not only am I a Registered Dietitian with a master's degree in nutrition, I have raised my children and made a living believing that if children are offered a variety of foods, mostly healthy, they will get enough of the nutrients they need. So here was an objective test.

She used a finger poke and a hemoglobin test, done within seconds in her office. Normal for a child his age was a score of 11-16. My son came in at 11. I felt relieved and vindicated. Eleven seems like a good score for a child that eats no animal flesh, my scores have always been on the low side as well. I even asked my doctor if she felt I should supplement his diet. She said no, just give him high iron foods. I smiled and said "I will offer him high iron foods, I can't make him eat them."

Dessert without Eating Dinner

Should a child that doesn’t eat any dinner, or the foods that you wanted them to eat be offered dessert? Yes!!! Hear me out.

Allowing a child to have dessert if they eat their dinner is a bribe or reward. It also teaches the child to eat, not because they are hungry, but because they want to get something else. With holding dessert because a child did not eat dessert is the same as a punishment. Using discipline tactics such as rewards, bribes and manipulation to make a child eat has short term results with long term repercussions. You teach a child not to trust their instincts about how much to eat and creates a power struggle between you and the child.

So, what should you do it your family likes to have a fun dessert after dinner? I recommend any of three approaches. The simplest is to have the fun dessert at another time, either a snack earlier in the day or later in the evening. Another is sometimes harder for parents to do, but more effective in the long run. Whether a child eats dinner or not, let them have a child sized portion of the dessert. If this child has been offered a variety of healthy foods during the day, they may not really need dinner. If the child eats the dessert instead of dinner, they will be hungry very soon after dessert. Now hunger will teach them why they need to eat dinner. Do not give them any other food when this happens, but feel free to explain to them that they are probably hungry because they only had dessert for dinner. Your last choice is the hardest for parents. Put the dessert out with all of the other dinner foods at the beginning of the meal. Yes, your child will likely eat the dessert first, but as it is just for fun and only 1 portion is available, they will be most likely still hungry after having this fun food. Then they will probably eat dinner.