Don't Feed Your Child

Don’t Feed Your Child


Mindful parents don’t feed infants and children, we let them eat. When I visualize a parent feeding a child I see a parent spooning food into a child’s mouth. This parent seems determined to get a certain amount of food and a certain type of food into the child. They may resort to distraction, rewards, or punishment to accomplish their goal—getting the child to eat.

A mindful parent offers food to an infant or child. This parent also chooses one or two foods to offer, but they have no agenda about the amount of food that needs to be consumed. It is not thel parent’s job to get the child to eat. This parent follows the child’s tempo, offering a new spoonful when the child has finished chewing (look at the jaw moving) and opens his or her mouth for more. If the child is self feeding, the parent sits back and observes, or eats their own meal.

A mindful parent lets the child explore the food with touch, taste and smell. The child is allowed to eat as little or as much as they wish. Observation of a child will tell us when an infant or child is finished. A rejected food can be offered again at another time, but it is not forced on the child, not even a small taste. In this way we allow our children to maintain their ability to react to their own nutritional needs. This is how we create healthy eaters.

School Potlucks

Fried Chicken, more fried chicken, pizza, fried chicken, fried chicken and more fried chicken. That's what entrees were available at the potluck for my child's class last week. I know people are busy and don't have time or want to cook. I know that store bought or take out is more convenient and I have no problem with this. But I also know that there are plenty of store bought and take out opportunities that are a lot healthier than fried chicken.

If asked to donate books to the school, I doubt that these parents would choose poorly written stories or books portraying anti-social or illegal activities as desirable outcomes. They want the best for their children (this was a potluck at a private school)and will complain if they believe their child is not getting the best available. So why do they choose fried chicken?

I wonder what these parents are thinking when they purchased all of this chicken. I don't know all of these parents well, but as a group they are educated and upper middle class or above. It never ceases to surprise me that when we try to provide the best for our children, nutrition is often over looked.

These parents want the school to provide positive role models for their children. They want the best teachers, the most current technology, plus theatre, sports, dance, art, foreign language, advanced placement classes, international studies and travel opportunities, and healthy food at the cafeteria. They want recycling, volunteering opportunities,and college ready young adults at graduation. I am all for this, but I also see that I have a role to play as well. It is my job to model appropriate food choices by providing nourishing food. I know potlucks are parties and are for fun--but let's also remember that we are always influencing our kids, even through our food choices.

Seven Steps to Creating a Healthy Eater

We nourish our children, hoping that our children are receiving the nutrients that will allow their bodies to grow to their healthiest potential. Our intentions are admirable, but at times we become too concerned with the details and lose sight of the goal. We suddenly become desperate for our child to eat one more bite of broccoli, as if this bite determines health or illness. Other times we make sweeping rules for ourselves and families, such as "we are never going to eat chocolate again." Most likely this doesn't last and we feel like we are failing as a parent.

Creating a healthy eater is about the big picture. Over the past month did I or my family eat a variety of healthy foods (whole grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy, eggs, beans, low fat meats, fish, nuts and seeds)? Was more that half of what we ate real, whole foods? Did I allow my family to:

1.Eat when they are hungry

2.Stop eating when they are sated (full)

3.Eat mostly healthy foods

4.Eat some fun foods

Did I not encourage my family to eat to

5.Please others

6.Avoid something

7.Receive something

These are the 7 tenants to creating a healthy eater. We should only eat when we are hungry, not to get something, avoid something, or please someone else. Are you forcing your child to eat for the wrong reasons? The promise of dessert if a child eats one more bite is the wrong reason to eat. The threat of a punishment for not trying a new food is not a healthy incentive to eating.

Did you allow for the enjoyment of some fun foods? Fun foods are also part of the diet of a healthy eater. I person constantly deprived of fun foods, or offered fun foods only are a reward (bribe) will likely become overly concerned with having these foods. The perceived deprivation many times leads to over-indulgence in these foods when the eater is allowed to make their own food choices. As many fun foods are high in sugar and fat, this over-indulgence can lead to over weight. Moderation and mindful eating are the goals for eating all foods, including those that are just for fun.